i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Enjoy the penises
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
