just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
