I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
