At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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