Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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