I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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