You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
