I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
