my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
