he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
