Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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