Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
