By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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