plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
