That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
