Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
