sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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