Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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