I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
