They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
