Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
