My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
