Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
