i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
