the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
