I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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