Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
