But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
