There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
