By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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