so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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