I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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