saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
