closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
