Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
