shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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