I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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