Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
