You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
