i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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