Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
