If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
