You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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