could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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