2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Randomize
