Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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