Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
