Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
