Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
