My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
