The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
