i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
