I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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