oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
