i barfeds in our rink
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
