I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
