The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
