So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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